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Michael Jackson: Too Big to Fail

July 1, 2009 by Culture, Featured No Comments

Michael JacksonMy proposal is for the federal government follow the same plan with the unfortunate death of Michael Jackson as it has followed with the death of General Motors and Chrysler.  Think first of all the displaced workers at factories duplicating videos and CDs, those at printing companies producing covers for those videos and CDs, Teamsters who may be out of work for lack of delivering the product; not to mention the dancers, choreographers, stage hands, and the innumerable number of people it takes to handle such an operation.  My proposal – help the Jackson estate avoid probate and all those ugly legal costs and delays by: 

Nationalizing the Jackson estate because it is too large to fail

Ripping off his legal creditors and heirs

Declaring that the government has an equity interest in the estate

Giving the bulk of the enterprise to some union

Controlling the operators of the enterprise and how much they can earn

Managing which songs and videos the enterprise can sell, and all prices of course

Operating the estate for ongoing revenue for both the government and the union


This proposal would have many positive effects on the country in its time of need.  

First:  it would have the effect of bringing much needed money into the federal coffers

Second:  it would help cement an important liberal voting constituency for Democrats to be re-elected

Third:  it would keep all the wonderful Jackson hangers on and other members of his entourage employed

Fourth:  it would insure that both the union and the federal government could earn money well into the future by means of selling Michael Jackson and Beatles memorabilia thus offsetting the cost of nationalizing healthcare for everyone.  (Too bad for all of us that Mr. Obama wasn’t President when Elvis died.  Think of all that revenue.)

The only reasonable alternate idea would be to require the Jackson estate to sell to an Italian recording firm for pennies on the dollar.  Or lira.