How to Be Re-elected After Destroying a Country in Four Easy Steps!
I think I finally have an insight on the Democrat Party re-election strategy for Mr. Obama: How to Be Re-elected After Destroying a Country in Four Easy Steps!
- Ignore the facts regarding the causes of an economic collapse because a crisis should never be wasted; and besides, we want to take advantage of it to accomplish what the people would never otherwise accept. Boldly propose to increase the very conditions that created the crisis, and then borrow hundreds of $billions to keep the businesses which caused it afloat. This will garner much needed Democrat Party loyalty and campaign donations.
- Guarantee that the loans will be paid back by other people who aren’t even born yet so nobody really has to worry about that. When this has the desired result of creating panic, and destroying about half of the wealth of the citizens, promise to create millions of new jobs that will keep unemployment low by means government spending on “shovel ready jobs.” Of course this requires hundreds of $billions of more borrowed money with a guarantee that it will be paid back by other people who will not be born for another 20 years or so.
- There are not any real “shovel ready jobs,” of course, so we will give the money to government unions like teachers, police, and firefighters helping them keep their 6 figure incomes and early retirements insuring their vote in the upcoming election. When the unemployment rate skyrockets after spending the hundreds of $billions of borrowed money on our political friends rather on creating jobs, move to step two.
- When Stage One has its desired effect, many citizens will have no extra money to spend, driving down the sale and the value of everything: homes, cars, groceries, clothing, entertainment – everything. This will drive unemployment through the roof because businesses will have to lay people off. This will provide the perfect opportunity to demonize businesses and blame business owners for refusing to create jobs: another crisis!
- Do everything possible to discourage, infuriate, and intimidate the people who create the jobs in the country – the business owners – complaining that they are selfish, and unworthy of the assets they have created. This will gain us political support from those whose jobs were destroyed and who are ready to be really angry with somebody for their troubles. Call the business owners vultures and say they are evil, even unpatriotic for not hiring more people. This will drive the anger away from us directing it toward business owners.
- Then administer the fatal blow: endlessly repeat that the job creators are rich from businesses they didn’t build; they have wealth that belongs to someone else, and worse; they don’t even pay their fair share of taxes! This will focus the fury of the unemployed against the businesses and encourage them all to vote for us to make the necessary corrections.
- When Stage Two has its intended – and expected result – not only does it lower the number of jobs available, and raise hostility against businesses (the 1%); it also has the added benefit of making the number of people on welfare skyrocket to an all time record providing yet another opportunity! Crises abound.
- Show the people how hard we are trying to increase the number of the kind of jobs we think are important – the green jobs; not brown jobs – but business owners are preventing us. Point out that business owners and Republicans just will not cooperate with us.
- Use some of the borrowed money to keep favored unions afloat by taking the money owed to company bondholders and giving it to the UAW. Give $billions of it to companies that build what we want built – especially when the owners give us money to run for office. Give even more of it to companies in Brazil, Finland, and elsewhere; and then loan tens of $billions more to banks in Italy, Greece, Britain, France, Germany…
- Lay off hundreds of thousands of people by closing auto dealerships, repair shops, service companies, tire companies, shipping companies… and sell huge parts of American businesses to an Italian car company. Blame this disaster on cutthroat business owners. Then blame the economic collapse on the few businesses remaining and point out that the owners still have income. This will create an even greater divide between them and the welfare class; the rich vs. poor; the 99% vs. the 1%.
- When the plan bears fruit, loudly rise in righteous indignation pound your chest, and point out that the job creators aren’t creating jobs. We’re doing all we can, but they won’t cooperate! More people than ever are on welfare! We, the Democrat Party, will insure social justice; we will not permit businesses to profit from the business they didn’t build. We alone will make justice roll down, and make the paths straight. Elect us.
- We are the ones we’ve been waiting for, and we will force these evil people to create the kind of jobs we approve; we will force them to provide you blue ribbon health insurance; and we will force them to pay more taxes to cover the cost of welfare and unemployment compensation for the people who don’t have jobs; for those who are busy organizing communities, protesting in parks, or otherwise don’t want to work.
- Tell them that we care so much about the poor that we will take even more of other people’s property and give it to them. We will do this, because we care; because we are compassionate, and Republicans aren’t – besides they want dirty air and water, and push grandmas off cliffs. We will do this because the poor are really going to need it when we are able to increase fuel prices to $8 a gallon, force everyone to ride mass transit, and put all those coal-fired energy plants out of business. Those vultures didn’t build that business anyway.